A Man's Pride

A man’s pride will bring him low: but honor shall uphold the humble in spirit.” –Proverbs 29:23

In between the double-double cheeseburger, shake, soda, and mountain of fries piled onto a red cafeteria-style tray – the 15 minute lunch breaks we had at IN-N-Out Burger were perfect for some of my deeper meditations.  Like – what great benefits we had as employees… and why most of us gained 15 pounds in the first few months of working there.  But occasionally while shoving down the last handful of fries some bright idea would hit me.  Fries aren’t exactly your typical source for inspiration, but one day that last fry convinced me that the best thing for me to do after work was… buy a car!!  At the time I was living in Point Loma, San Diego and going to college at UCSD in La Jolla.  School was about to begin and it was going to be a long commute.

I was riding my mountain bike everywhere and hated the idea of having to find a shuttle to school with my ‘bike burden’ and book bag – so buying a car seemed a perfectly logical step.  I had enough money at least for a down payment and had a credit card for a few years – so what possible issues could there be?  All I needed was a ride to a nearby car lot and then I would never need the bike again!  I got off work at about 3 pm and looked at my mountain bike… one tire was a little underinflated but I thought to myself, “All I need is for it to get me to a car lot….”  So, I straddled the bike jeans and all and started riding towards La Jolla – knowing for sure that there was a big car lot just north of La Jolla… in Carlsbad.  It took a little longer than I thought getting to La Jolla but I thought to myself, “No big deal... I am almost there!”

At the northernmost point of La Jolla I realized that the only way to advance further north was by the freeway… I was a little hesitant about riding on the shoulder but I thought to myself, “No big deal… It will only be for a little while.”  As I began riding I could feel the penetrating stares of drivers as they passed by but I shrugged it off thinking, “Whatever, they don’t know me… and pretty soon I won’t be riding a bike at all!”  The car lot didn’t come soon… and the freeway descended and ascended through valley after valley for what seemed like forever – until finally I got off at an exit to ask how far it was.  The answer I got wasn’t too good… it was still another 20 miles away!!  I got back on my bike and briefly considered turning around… but now it was a matter of pride.  The motivation in those IN-N-Out fries wasn’t gone yet…

After all, if I just got there I would never need a bike again!  I leaped back on the bike with a gritty (albeit stupid) resolve and arrived at the car lot in a sweaty mess as dusk was setting.  But I didn’t care – I was there to buy a car!  I walked frazzled and wild-eyed into a Toyota dealership with the intention of buying a pickup truck.  The salesman did a double take of me but (kindly) asked me to be seated where we began discussing my options.  After communicating my basic information about a possible down payment, work, and school, he disappeared for a while and ran a credit check.  I sat thinking to myself, “Wow – I did it! Goodbye bike! Haha…”  The salesman came back with a smile and said, “Good news… you ALMOST qualify for a loan!”  After explaining to him that there was no way I wanted anyone to co-sign for a loan he had the audacity to suggest that I try the FORD DEALERSHIP next door!

I walked toward the ‘Found On Road Dead’ dealership a couple paces with the Toyota salesman watching from behind, undoubtedly wanting to use me as an experiment to gauge the competition.  Once again pride kicked in as I thought, “You’ve got to be kidding me… I would rather ride the bike ALL THE WAY BACK!!” I turned around and the Toyota salesman said inquisitively, “So… did you talk to them?”   I sort of grumbled a “Nah…” and then got back on the bike.  It was less than comfortable on the shoulder of Interstate-5 in the nighttime with lights glaring from behind me on a mountain bike with a semi-flat tire… but then it started raining!!  The IN-N-Out fry motivation was long gone now… so I had to rejuvenate myself with a large shake and western bacon cheeseburger at Carl’s Jr.  I got back on the road and thought it would be about 2 in the morning before I got back to Point Loma… when a brief siren sounded with sharp headlights behind me.

A female policeman approached me with wide eyes and a flashlight pointed in my face and screamed, “ARE YOU HIGH ON CRACK??!!!”  The fact that I was soaking wet on a mountain bike on the freeway at nighttime didn’t help my case for sanity, so I cleared my throat and tried to give a calm and perfectly reasonable explanation for my circumstances saying, “Well, you see I am a student at UCSD studying Molecular Biology and…” She briefly interrupted saying, “DON’T YOU TRY TO TELL ME YOU’RE SMART!!! – DIDN’T YOU SEE THE SIGNS SAYING ‘NO BIKES OR PEDESTRIANS’?”  I honestly hadn’t seen any of those signs… but she decided to give me a little grace because there was a small section of I-5 where bikes were allowed near La Jolla… even though that was about 20 miles away.

The policeman kept her decibel level high throughout most of our conversation, and said – “OK… PUT YOU’RE BIKE IN BACK!!”  It turned out that she was headed toward the police station in Point Loma of all places – and was giving me a ride all the way back!  As we headed back she pointed out other people on the road saying things like, “SEE THAT PERSON?  THEY ARE OBVIOSLY DRUNK AND ARE ENDANGERING OTHERS BUT I CAN’T STOP THEM… BECAUSE OF YOU!!”  I understood that I was being intentionally and justifiably razed by this officer, but knew also what a great kindness she was extending to me.  Later that night as I crashed on the couch with sore joints I considered how merciful God had been to me.  He knew exactly what I needed to break my own spirit of pride and self-reliance, and begin to trust in Him more than myself.  I wish I could say that I completely learned my lesson that day – but God has a way of ever drawing us closer to Him.