From the first moment I saw ‘Bear’ I couldn’t help but laugh – she was the most scraggly looking kitten I had ever seen. Her coarse black fur with brown highlights could not be smoothed through petting, but always returned to its naturally disheveled state due to her incessant desire to roll in the dirt. Her tiny rat-like head stood sharply in contrast to her giant mutated paws with several extra digits in addition to an extra ‘tit’ that added to her eccentricity. Behaviorally she was very un-catlike, but tried her best to imitate the exquisite standards of ‘cat-dignity’ exemplified by our other ‘puss-in-boots’ cat named ‘Gypsy’. Even when Gypsy sat motionless she projected an aura of dignity with her white breast erect and confidently facing the world as she scanned the environment with head raised and wise perceptive eyes. When Bear tried to mimic the pose she only looked silly with her tiny head and oblivious eyes staring into nothingness.
Bear’s efforts to be a normal cat were a constant source of amusement – and she never quite mastered the art of ‘going to the bathroom’. She would meticulously dig a hole in the ground, only to ‘go’ next to the hole and then carefully bury the empty hole. I never lost my fascination for Bear, and for years she was a source of after-school entertainment as I discovered all of her personality quirks. I found that if I petted her under the chin while she lay on her back that she would become ‘paralyzed’ – falling into a deep unconscious state that would last for a minute or two. Being the mischievous kid that I was I would drape her limp body over my shoulders while she was in this state, and when she suddenly ‘awoke’ would invariably fly into a rage for having been so exploited.
Part of what made Bear so fun to play with was her easily excited temper. When she grew older and became extremely fat her belly would swing back and forth like a pendulum as she walked. I couldn’t resist jiggling her belly as she walked by – and with all the fury of her enlarged ‘bear paws’ she would strike into my flesh. It was too fun to resist – and over the years I learned how to tease her without taking too much damage (even though my forearms were thoroughly scarred by the end of 7th grade). Bear was only content if she had drawn blood at the end of a play session, and even if I turned to run away she would chase me in wild pursuit until flying into the air and ‘scoring on me’.
Of course my mom never fully approved of my constant torment of ‘the beast’ as I called her, but my play relationship with Bear became something that she herself would constantly initiate. Needless to say our entire family fell deeply in love with Bear, and she received recognition in the family as if she were another sibling. If bear was sleeping on a certain chair in the living room, that was ‘her chair’ – and to remove her would invite the reproach of my protective mother. Bear received so much attention by our family that her disheveled fur eventually became silky smooth to the touch, and she was easily one of the softest cats I have ever encountered. Toward the end of her life it was deeply endearing when she would walk from a high fence onto my shoulders, having developed a deep sense of trust through all the years of play.
With all of Bear’s quirks, idiosyncrasies and deformations – there is nothing that I or any of my family would have wanted to change about her. The very characteristics that made her so special could also be regarded as no more than ‘assembly line defects’. We could think of Bear as being no more than the product of the random assortment of chromosomes and traits during cell divisions and the chance meeting of a million possible sperm and egg – but with God nothing is only random. Scripture says in Proverbs 16:33, “The lot is cast into the lap; but the whole disposing thereof is of the LORD.” What this means is that even in chance, there is Order – and even in randomness there is beauty. As individuals we may see ourselves as nothing but a collection of random defects and assembly line errors – but those very qualities make us who we are! As much as my family loved Bear, there is no comparison to how much God loves each individual. God’s heart is gladdened like my own when we know the truth of this, and come to rest on His shoulders.
